Treadmills and Masks

This week I entered into a time of deep heart-searching, in hopes that the Holy Spirit would reveal to me the place inside me that is broken that needs healing. I trust that God knows all the answers, and that he is my source of healing, hope, and life.

A dear friend gave me Hebrews 9:14, which says, "How much more surely shall the blood of Christ, who by virtue of his eternal Spirit, has offered himself as an unblemished sacrifice to God, purify our consciences from dead works and lifeless observances to serve the ever living God?" (Amplified Bible) I believe that Jesus' blood is enough to do exactly what this verse says, to purify my conscience from dead works and lifeless observances to serve the ever living God. What a difference, between dead works and living the life of purpose that God has for each of us.

I really truly desire the abundant life God has for me. However, sometimes I fall into the prideful trap of thinking, "If I do A, B, and C, and I don't do X, then I will be filled with the Holy Spirit, and I will be where God wants me to be." This methodology could not be further from the truth. It leaves out the only element that can empower me, and instead turns the focus onto me and my efforts. It is because I have been focusing on myself that I have been living a life of defeat. I have been trying to blaze my own trail to freedom, which instead has been a treadmill of exhaustion and discouragement.

So what can I do to turn away from dead works and lifeless observances so that I can serve the ever living God? I believe that my dead works and lifeless observances are really a mask that I am wearing that is rooted in pride. What is my mask covering up?

I think in the church today, we all can get caught up in the lie of performance. It is so easy to fall for, but it is impossible for us to carry out. This is because it is not the purpose for which we were created. Sometimes, even a good thing like having a daily quiet time with the Lord can become part of my entrapment. When it becomes a checklist item, it then becomes very easy for my focus not to be on what Christ has already done to what I am doing right now. The question is, where is my heart resting?

God loves us just as we are. We may know that intellectually, but do we allow it to go to the secret, broken places in our hearts? If we don't, we are only left to try to hold it all together. We wear a mask of what we can do or what we have done, of our standards, of our goodness. We hope no one would ever find out what we look like when we take off our mask...

This is where my search began. I rejoice to say that when I allowed God to show me my own brokenness, he also brought restoration. Even though I didn't even know where to start, God was able to change my confusion and denial into serenity and acceptance of myself. He didn't need my help, all he needed was for me to say yes to him.